Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Did you ever notice...

That sometimes when you are talking to other people you really are talking to yourself?

Case in point.

This morning I was online and I was thinking about a friend of mine with whom I had not spoken in a few weeks.  Almost exactly at that time his name came up on my SKYPE notification thingy.  That is the Law of Attraction 101 at work here, but I digress...or maybe not...let's see where this goes,ok?  So I clicked on it and we started a to have a conversation across the Atlantic Ocean. (BTW, you have got to get SKYPE...it is a great way to keep in touch with people and it is free). 

Anyway, in order to understand the significance of the conversation, you need a bit of background info about my relationship with my friend. We are almost exactly the same age, we had been co-workers with similar pay and responsibilities at a company that neither of us work at anymore. We have very different personalities but we compliment each other, its sort of like being two sides of the same coin.  In addition, we have both had financial and physical setbacks to deal with.  My friend, actually had moved back to his home country to re-start life there with his family.  When he left here, I know that he left with the strong feeling that he had failed, that he had left too much undone, and apparently he is still struggling with those feelings.

After we exchanged our pleasantries, we started talking about what we were both doing.  It was not long before I realized that my friend was not happy.  He has a job and his family is together again, but many of the other things that mattered to him have escaped his grasp.  Emphatically I could pick up that he was feeling unsuccessful and lost.  When I mentioned the word "dreams" to him he said he no longer had any and that it's enough to just live day to day. To quote him "I don't dream anymore...its too hard and it doesn't pay.  I think about what I am doing right now, what I am going to have for dinner, the wine I will drink tonight and maybe what I will have to do for work tomorrow.  That's it, that's all there is."  He worked, he ate, he slept and he did it over again and again.  He had nothing for himself and he had no hobbies, or outside interests.  To hear him speak this way was heartbreaking! 

In reply I found myself telling him about my experience with the tow truck driver that I wrote about last week. It seemed to me to be exactly the kind of story he needed to hear.  I advised that he needed to find a new dream to hang, on to or at very least to find a distraction.  He needed to get himself out of the immediate moment he was in.  I explained that he needed to find something to do that he enjoyed doing just for the sake of doing it.  I actually suggested that he get himself a dog.  I figured that he could use the unconditional love a pet would give him as well using the training time that would take him away from his maudlin thoughts.  The main reason I told him that was because, just like a skin diver, you can not go directly from the depths to the surface without suffering the bends and right now he was drowning.

Being the kind of guy he is, he threw it all back at me and asked what I was doing to make myself feel better and what was my dream and distraction?  I fumpfered for a beat, because I didn't know exactly how to put it into words.  But then I felt my own emotions rising, and in that moment I was back in the cab of the tow truck with that truck driving poet.  As I began to talk, I could feel myself going into the kind of trance that happens to me when I am in healing mode.  I told him that my dream is to take this hypnosis business, (The Self-Esteem Center of L.I.)  to the next level and that my distraction was writing.  I don't know if I was reaching him or not but as I spoke about my dreams I found myself being inspired to work.  After a bit he got off the call with me, maybe I made him uncomfortable, but I hope not.  I think maybe he was feeling a bit like I felt the other night when the truck driver held a mirror to my soul.

As soon as I got off the call, I sat down and wrote this blog post. More over, I'm now determined to write some promotional emails and make some calls to potential clients.  I will contact a producer who had expressed interest in my doing a stage hypnosis show on TV. and I will start writing the first of three scripts that I intend to turn into salable CDs.  So you see, in the end, the Law of Attraction worked on several levels.  It brought me into contact with my friend who needed to hear what I had to say, but perhaps even more importantly, it brought me back into contact with myself to get inspired and get moving on my dreams too.

NAMASTE

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's for a reason!

The Law of attraction says that you create your reality and that you ask for everything you get both good and bad.  This is sometimes hard to believe when things are not going your way.  But even then, I think that the universe always has it's reasons.  A case in point.

The other night I was driving home from an appointment in a heavy rain.  I decided not to take my usual route because the road tends to get flooded, so I went around the long way.  The route I was taking is all back roads and its very dark and lonely.  It's a funny thing too because the last two times I went that way I missed a turn in the dark and ended up going out of my way a bit so I was determined not to miss that turn.  Sure enough, I missed it again but I realized my mistake right away, made a u-turn and took the right road.
A few minutes later I crossed over an intersection and did not notice a HUGE puddle.  I was unable to avoid it and I was committed so I gunned the engine and tried to go all the way through it without stopping.  I made it to the other side but just then my car died.  Try and try again it would not restart.  So I pulled out my cell phone, and called 911 and AAA. The police said that they would send a car to check on me and AAA told me it would take about an hour before the driver could get to me.
This is just great I thought, I decided to go this way home specifically to avoid exactly the situation that I now found myself in.  Sitting alone in the dark in the rain on a lonely road gives one time to think, and my thoughts were not very happy at that moment.  The occasional car would stop and ask me if I was okay then turn around and avoid my mistake.  Eventually the police arrived and he incredulously asked "Didn't I see that the road was closed?".  I wanted to say something smart to him, because I was already pissed off but then I thought better of it.  I said that there was no sign of of that and so he went to check.  In a while, he came back and said that somebody must have moved the sign and barrier but he put them back. Gee, that is just peachy, I thought.  He asked if I had help coming and left when I said I had called triple A.  So once again I was left in the dark with my thoughts; the only light coming from my hazard flashers. By now I was getting cold and I also had to urinate, I wished the damn tow truck would get there already.
A few minutes later, I saw the flashing lights of the wrecker and was relieved. When the driver got out of the truck, he flashed me a knowing smile and I asked him if I could sit in the truck were it was warmer.  (Don't tell anybody but on the way I stopped behind a nearby tree to take care of that other issue).  When I got into his  very messy truck cab, he had his music playing loudly, a big pile of papers on the passenger seat and of all things, a book of poetry perched on top of the pile. This seemed kind of odd to me, but to each his own.  I was intrigued so I picked it up and started leafing through it.   It was not my cup of tea but there was nothing else to do so I kept reading.
When he had my car all hooked up he got in the cab and we did the required paperwork, and I finally got a good look at the man.  The poor guy was soaking wet, he was an African American and about my age, maybe a bit younger.  He confirmed where I wanted to go and we started off.  He immediately began asking me questions about myself. He had an interesting speech pattern that made me think that maybe he was a bit "slow".   I answered him good naturedly but not with any enthusiasm,  I just wanted to get home. Then he asked me if I liked poetry.  I said yes and that I that enjoyed writing some poetry myself. He pointed to the book and said for me to look.
I confessed that I had already read some if it and he asked me what I thought.  I didn't want to be rude so I said I liked it.  He perked right up and proudly announced that he was the author.  The book was not very big it maybe had 50 pages in all and some of them were just photographs. The poems were centered on the pages and none of them were more than 4 or 5 verses.  He said it was self published and that he was now working on a new book too.  His publisher was doing some promoting of it and he was hoping that it would take off because his dream was to be a full time writer and photographer.  A few minutes later we got to where I needed to be and he unhooked the car.  I paid the fee and tipped him for his work.
Later that night as I lay in bed, I could not help but think about that guy.  What an inspiration he was and he also kind of shamed me.  Here was a man who for all appearances was not doing very well, I guy that probably didn't have had anywhere near my level of education or IQ but he had a dream and he was actively working for it.  He had taken his dreams in hand and was making them happen.
So what was I doing about my own dreams?  How hard am I pressing myself to make them come true?  I can tell you this, I have new motivation.  If he can do it how can I not?  I think that the universe gave me a gift, even if it came at the expense of my car trouble.   I had to meet this man and this was the only way that was ever going to happen.

NAMASATE

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Say it with feeling!

Let's talk about self talk.  We all do it.  What kind of things do you say to yourself?  Are you a half empty or half full self talker?  It becomes habitual, and a lot of this actually comes from our past.  Our parents, teachers, siblings or people that we looked up to may have said things both positive and negative and those things can become imprinted on our subconscious.  It's a true that when you hear the same things often enough we begin to believe them.  How many times have you heard yourself saying the same things about yourself that you heard thrown your way when you were a kid?  He's so clumsy..She can't sing..you'll never amount to anything. 
There was a time that I found myself saying these things too.  My thing was saying that I was not "good with money."  Later, when I thought about it I could hear my parents saying similar things to me when I was a kid.  Its not that they intended to do anything harmful to me, in their way they was doing their best to help me.  But she didn't understand the impact that her well intentioned but poorly phrased words would have.  It took a long time to realize that I was actually living to up (or actually down) to those expectations.  I really believed that I was not "good with money" as as a result I never really had any.  In addition, my mom had a favorite phrase "Self-Praisers Stink"  My sister and I were brought up with the idea that we should not ever say good things about ourselves, that all praise must come from others.  I believe that she thought that self praise was the same as being conceited which to her was a sin.  This only reinforced the impact of my parents words as positive praise was never really all that free flowing around our house.  When I realized that I was verbally sabotaging myself I began to take steps to correct it.  I started a daily practice of saying affirmations to counteract the old imprints. 
The first step is to take a bit of time and listen to how you talk to yourself.  Are you using self-deprecating humor?  Are you always critical of yourself?  Then take those things and re-frame into a positive suggestion for your subconscious.
Affirmations have 5 critical properties:
1.  They are positive.
2.  They are present-tense.
3.  They are simple.
4.  They are believable.
5.  They are measurable.
So lets do a little role playing and construct a proper affirmation.
To counteract "I am not good with money" I might say. that "I am a great money manager who pays his bills on time with more to save" Breaking it down, it goes like this.
1.  Is it positive? Yes, I declare that I am "great money manger"
2.  Is it present tense? Yes, it starts with ' I am..."
3.  Is it simple? Yes, its only one sentance
4.  Is it believable? Yes, to me it is
5.  Is it measurable? Yes, there are two standards here.  One that "I pay the bills on time" and two is that there is "more to save"
Now, just saying these things, isn't by itself going to make it true all by itself.
You have to say them with feeling and really get into it.  Feeling good about it and just let yourself go. 
You can combine this with some constructive visualizations and then you really have some powerful mojo going for yourself.
Anyway it a process and it will take a bit of time but just remember how many times you heard the negative things for them to sink into your consciousness and before long you will back on track.
Give it a shot, you might just surprise itself!

 

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Doing what comes naturally!

Okay so this is going to sound simplistic but it works.  When life throws you those inevitable curve balls, the best thing might be to look at the that you like to do, and go from there.  Sometimes the easiest things to do can be found right in front of your face.  Re-inventing yourself can be fun if you decide to make it that way.  So what makes you happy?  Music, Art, Working with your hands, Public speaking, Writing, Cooking, Playing games, or Fixing things?  Are you a people person or would you rather not be involved with the public?  Do a little introspective inventory taking and make a list.  Just let your feelings rule the day for a while..
Now its time to be a bit creative in your thinking.  How can you incorporate those things that you like to do into your daily life?  If you are looking for work, match those things with the criteria for jobs that match.  Its much easier to work at a job you really like than drudge along at something you hate or even just tolerating. Believe me, I can really attest to that. I am fortunate enough to have come through exactly that kind of change and I love what I do now.
Maybe its not your job that is the issue.  Again go back to the list and adjust your thinking around it.   How can you bring more of those things into your personal life.  Odds are that if you are looking for love, you can probably find it in somebody with the same likes as you...right?  Would it not be easier to talk to someone you have things in common with? They say opposites attract but nothing could be further from the truth.  Energy welcomes like energy that is what the Law of Attraction is all about.
In these times it is necessary to be proactive, so get off your butt and start making things happen.  Good things really do not come to those who wait.  They come to those who put themselves in a position to receive them.
Be a receptor, not a spectator get in the game and play it for all you are worth.  Do what comes naturally and you will find happiness.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Assumptions

I was happy this weekend which is good. And for a while I wasn't, but then I was again.  So how did that happen?  In one of my earlier posts, I talked about FEAR.  False Expectations Appearing Real.  That's exactly what happened to me.
The circumstances are not important but what was important is that for a while I had jumped to a conclusion without all the facts. The reality was not what I expected.and in the end, the situation worked out perfectly well and as a matter of fact it went completely my way. 
I spent the better part of a half hour being pissed off and miserable, when, if I only had a bit more patience I would not have felt that way at all.  My expectation was that I was going to be unhappy, and I was.  I allowed my fear to rule my attitude  We always create our own reality, my expectation was that I was going to be let down, I reacted to that expectation and as a result I felt let down and angry.  Moreover, in that state, I influenced the way people around me were feeling. I caused a chain reaction of bad feelings.  For a short time a lot of people, were upset, and angry. None of this was truly necessary. Most likely it never is.
Thankfully, the situation took care of itself and everyone was okay in the end.  No permanent damage was done.  I am glad that calmer heads prevailed. People make assumptions all the time.  Usually, its not a good idea. that old saying "when you assume you make an ASS out of U and Me" tends to be the truth. In the book, The Four Agreements, by Don Carlos Ruiz, the third of the Four Agreements is do not assumptions.  This is good advise.  Many times the assumptions we make lead to misunderstandings as they did in my case this weekend.  Had I taken the time to ask the right questions instead of leaping to the wrong conclusion I would have still had the same great outcome, but passed the pain I caused myself and the discomfort I caused the other people.
Another assumption that I was involved with, happened the week before last.  Someone I know, saw me coming out of the Department of Social Services building where I was to find out about getting some help for the huge medical bills I have right now.   That person called someone else I know and said they saw me coming out of the Methadone Clinic and asked how long had I had a drug problem.  Obviously it was easier for that person to believe/assume that I had a drug issue as opposed to needing some financial help. 
Thankfully that misunderstanding was cleared up right away but imagine what might have happened to my reputation had that gone any further? 
Anyway all's well that ends well. It's a lesson I wont soon forget.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A note of thanks to a Friend and Colleague

Today, I came across some kind words written about me from my friend and hypnotic colleague Michael Glowacki who is the owner and operator of Capital Hypnosis which is located in Madison WI   Michael and I were classmates in our NLP training and he is a very accomplished and successful practitioner of the hypnotic arts.  You can follow his interesting blog at Hypnosis & NLP Success Secrets
Thanks again Michael for the shout out to me on your blog and the your take on three ways of raising your Self-esteem.  I agree totally, and will touch on those ideas in a future blog of my own.

If you are in the Madison WI area and are looking for a well trained, and  effective hypnotist I can recommend Michael Glowaki without hesitation.

Namaste,
Roch

So what do you want anyway?

Are you going for the big ticket items...World Peace?  Curing cancer? Ending Hunger? Winning the Nobel Prize?  Or are you thinking more in terms of just "Please God, just let me get through this month!".  Granted, I'm talking about the extreme ends of the spectrum here and most of us find ourselves somewhere in between.   But not too long ago, I realized that most of what was on my list I fell into the what "I don't want" category. My thought sets fell into things like:
I don't want to run out of money before the bills are paid.
I don't want to get sick again.
I don't want my kids to get into trouble
I don't want my car to break down
I don't want to get stuck in traffic.
I don't want to be behind the guy with bad gas!
I don't want ....  get the idea?

In a nutshell, the "Law of Attraction" says that we get what we think about.  So as a result, I kept getting more of that kind of stuff.  (By the way if you want to learn more about the "Law of Attraction" just Google it you'll find thousands of references.)

What I needed to to, and what I encourage you to do is to understand that all of your don't wants come down to some manifestation of fear, and when you look the root cause of the fear in the eye, it becomes easier to turn your thinking around and re-frame the thought.  Someone recently reminded me of an acronym for FEAR; False Expectations Appearing Real.  I believe that when it comes to the way we think about things this is often really true.

So how do you flip your don't wants into wants?  I have been doing my best to concentrate on being grateful for what I already have.
When the thought comes to me about my bills I say, I am really lucky to have a job now and the opportunity to earn even more.
When the thought comes to me about being sick, I look in the mirror and tell myself how handsome I am and how well I feel right at that moment.
When I worry about my kids I think about how I felt the first time I held them.
When I worry about my car breaking down I think, how much I love driving it with the top down in the sunshine.
When I am stuck in traffic, I say this is a good excuse to listen to another song on the CD
When I am behind the guy with bad gas...Well I guess no matter what I feel I can't do much about his problem LOL I think i will just move to another line.

What all those things do is change the attitude, even if just for the moment, and that breaks the cycle of thought. Do that enough times and your "don't wants" all become less threatening.  Before too long you find yourself in a better frame of mind, and then you start putting out the positive energy which brings to you positive things.  Then you can really start working on those big Ticket items.

Namaste